This film was fucking brilliant bruvs, it 'ad loads of tits and sex in it, an it had people doing drugs an stuff an sex an tits an they even say the word 'clit' which is brilliant bruv init? The first part is set in Hamster Dam an it must be the real Hamster Dam 'cause it look right like it, it's got modle whores in windows begging for it with great tits and they can't wait for it - I can't wait to go when I get me passport sorted. An that's just like the start of it, but the tits and sex an drugs an stuff begining lasts for enough time to fit in at least four wanks, maybe more if you're like me, I can just shoot the cunt out all the time - BLAM! I was fucking like wank BLAM! wank BLAM! wank BLAM! BLAM! - rewind the cunt film and fucking blam bruv wank wank wank BLAM! again, bitch wants it, don't she? I mean - FUCKING LOOK AT HER!
Den the second part is all like fingers getting cut off and legs drilled and shit, an fucking 'eads coming off and these cunts getting well fucked up and tortured, it's brilliant, an the best bit is when this Chinese bird gets her fucking eye burnt out with some kind of hot tool thing, fucking eye is hanging out of her face ha! I'm like fucking wank BLAM! wank BLAM! wank BLAM! BLAM! rewind that bit and fucking blam bruv, you know it man, you know it, I got no problem shooting it out, do it on demand no prob.
My older brother watched it later an I go "Well, what you recon bruv?", an he gives it all this shit about 'ow it's a failed attempt at an 'homage' to early 80's gore feast horror film genre, an 'ow it lacks any tangible suspense, any visceral tension, an he goes on about 'ow the writer an director has lazily tried to shock and sicken the viewer with cheap graphic rubber hand scenes, rather than experiment in an adult way with psychological fear an ontological quilt and confusion which is never more than a small stone throw away from the surface of far superior extreme violent asian movies such as Ichi The Killer, Audition, Visitor Q, and the sublime Old Boy (he reckons apparently one of these Jap directors makes a cameo in Hostle, Takashi Miike fucking Mouse or sumthink?). I go to him "Psychological fear an ontological guilt an confusion? What, like a ghost in your brain an shit?" an he goes to me "Yes, exactly, like a ghost in your brain - and shit," Sick cunt.
Yea, so, cheers bruvs, yea.
